Bar Hopping

Stop. I already know what's going through your cranium. This is probably going to be some top ten list for the best bars in DC, Salt Lake, Seattle, or Portland. Wrong. Rather than attempt to elaborate on what edifices serve up the best adult beverages, I'm imparting a morsel of wisdom on a different assortment of bars; one’s that assume a rectangular form, and come in tight plastic wrapping. Nothing remotely resembling shots or pints; highballs or martinis. Furthermore, if not consumed in a modest dosage, can cause you to “fall of your rocker” and perform unfamiliar acts to the rest of society – such as running or biking.

While on a highly successful unemployment binge, I delved deeper into the world of energy/protein/good-for-you bars. Insistent on removing the Michelin from my waistline and possesing endless amounts of time, my excuse tank was on empty. I didn’t feel like doing the shakes or smoothies science experiment; rather a quicker, easier formula that included all the healthy shit (i.e., vitamins and minerals) one shoves into a blender. Considering the unwavering commitment and focus I possess towards good health and exercise; bar area top ten lists are not far off the horizon.

Before falling off the horse again and to keep you occupied, three rectangular objects taken at various parts of the day, serve a very utilitarian purpose, often found for a $1 and don’t taste like cardboard:

1. Zone Perfect Strawberry Yogurt (Breakfast) – Be realistic. You don’t have time to sit down, make a bowl of cold cereal, and watch a rerun of Saved by the Bell. Unless you’re my routine ridden cousin, even shaving becomes debatable when the fire alarm goes off. [Side note: very successful beard was grown during aforementioned binge.] Good taste for the morning. Out of Stock: grab the graham cracker or mint flavor.

2. PowerBar Harvest Oatmeal Raisin Cookie (Lunch) – It helps if you actually like oatmeal raisin cookies. If not, the proselytizing icing makes a convert out of you. I tried a few others from the Harvest collection, but still came back to the ORC. It’s like a quad espresso in plastic. Taken about an hour or so before you leave the office, it will make the jolt out the door even easier. [2^nd Side note: a quad espresso is the last thing I need.] Out of Stock: any one of the other Harvest selections.

3. PureProtein Smore's (Dessert) – This is the tiramisu of protein bars. I am hooked. There is crack in it. Out of Stock: Nothing. Cry. You’re life sucks. Ok, not really, but it would be better off. Get your grubbies on some real Tiramisu instead.